{"id":105844,"date":"2026-09-17T07:16:01","date_gmt":"2026-09-17T14:16:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/artistsofutah.org\/15Bytes\/?p=105844"},"modified":"2026-10-11T13:27:19","modified_gmt":"2026-10-11T20:27:19","slug":"aziza-abdieva-alchemizing-fear-into-an-artists-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/artistsofutah.org\/15Bytes\/aziza-abdieva-alchemizing-fear-into-an-artists-life\/","title":{"rendered":"Aziza Abdieva: Alchemizing Fear into an Artist\u2019s Life"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Aziza Abdieva in her studio in Cedar City with her work, “The Eternal Becoming.”<\/p><\/div>\n

\u201cI saw my darkness, I saw my light, I saw everything in between, and now I\u2019m a new human being,\u201d says Aziza Abdieva<\/a>. \u201cI\u2019m a Phoenix rising.\u201d Fear is a darkness that is hard to climb out of, but Abdieva has made her artistic career by welcoming it.<\/p>\n

Born and raised in Kyrgyzstan, Abdieva left the country to study at Bilkent University in Ankara, Turkey, where she earned a bachelor\u2019s degree in Communication and Design in 2018. Her senior project, an exhibition created with Pelin \u00d6zesen titled Faux Skins \/\/ I Can Be You and You Can Be Me<\/em>, led to an invitation to study at Texas Tech University.<\/p>\n

There, Abdieva began moving beyond photography. Working with her husband, psychologist Joshua Brown, she created \u201cStress Flesh,\u201d an interdisciplinary project that used art to explore his research into stress. Abdieva made strange, flesh-like forms from silicone, as well as \u201cUmbilical Cord,\u201d a 60-foot installation incorporating silicone, imitation pearls and casts of her own hands. Both works would eventually make their way to Utah, appearing in the 2025 Utah Statewide Annual.<\/p>\n

But by the time Abdieva earned her MFA in 2022, she was exhausted. She felt she had made strong, heartfelt work during her MFA, but had put so much of herself into it that she had allowed the work to consume her. When she and Brown moved to Wisconsin, for his postdoctoral research at the University of Wisconsin\u2013Madison, she stepped back from her studio practice. For two years, she worked as a creative producer for FOX. She enjoyed the work, but eventually realized she wanted to make art again. When the couple relocated to Cedar City, Utah, Abdieva decided to use the new start to commit herself to art again.<\/p>\n

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Installation view of Utah Arts & Museum’s 2025 Statewide Annual, with works by Abdieva in the foreground: “Stress Flesh” (left) and “Umbilical Cord” (right).<\/p><\/div>\n

But before she had a studio, before she had anywhere to exhibit, Abdieva was still struggling. She describes this period as the \u201cdark night of my soul.\u201d She says she wanted to come back to art, but creating felt pointless. She wondered if her desire was selfish when there was so much destruction and pain in the world. But she came to believe that the antidote for destruction is creation: the point of making art is the making itself and the transformation the artist goes through while making it. For Abdieva, every creative act heals. She decided to start creating and trust that opportunities would come.<\/p>\n

To avoid another burnout, she took inspiration from elite athletes who are very intentional about their bodies. They eat well and take care of their mental state so that they can perform to the best of their ability. She committed herself to \u201cgood sleep, good diet, consistent scheduling.\u201d Knowing that whatever she feels shows in her art, she took measures against producing stale, exhausted work by utilizing a routine.<\/p>\n

Abdieva\u2019s morning starts with journaling. Three pages. She lets her thoughts out so nothing lingers, poisoning her work. After some intentional movement through yoga, she fuels her body with a healthy breakfast. Then, to fuel her confidence, she picks nice clothes and takes time to do her beauty and hair routine. She always looks polished in her studio. She sees this two-hour process of \u201cfine-tuning [her]self to a specific frequency of creation\u201d as an investment in the longevity of both her body and her art practice. By using this routine, she says she is now able to withstand 8-10 hours of continuous studio time without getting burnt out. In fact, she is energized by it. \u201cI just go and let this creative energy flow through me. And sometimes I\u2019m like, \u2018Whoa, has it been 10 hours?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

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Abdieva in her studio at work on “The Fertile Dark.”<\/p><\/div>\n

Once Abdieva is in her studio, she likes to invite the artistic flow with movement through dance. \u201cInviting flow into my body invites the flow into my thoughts, into my creativity, into the studio.\u201d Nature provides another way for Abdieva to enter that creative state. In fact, she says, her source material is always nature. Often she goes to certain places where she can \u201cfeel the energy of nature.\u201d \u201cI look and observe and let the energy of nature tell me its messages, tell me its meaning, and I bring that meaning into my artwork.\u201d When making art inspired by this, she feels like she is \u201cco-creating with nature.\u201d<\/p>\n

As part of her practice, Abdieva has decided to share her whole artistic process. Like a phoenix, artists change as they make art, and for Abdieva that change is the most important part of the practice. Yet audiences generally see only the finished product, not the journey that produced it\u2014the beautiful bird rather than the ashes and fire from which it emerged. Abdieva wants people to see and feel the thoughts and emotions she experiences during each piece\u2019s creation and eventual birth. So, she hosts daily live streams on YouTube.<\/p>\n

\u201cPeople come into my studio online and see my art,\u201d she says. \u201cWe connect and have these beautiful conversations, deep conversations. I am able to see my art through their eyes because they share how they feel about my art. It\u2019s building this beautiful community. It is really so interesting and special, showing my authenticity, in real time, and attracting my heart-aligned community.\u201d<\/p>\n

This idea of transformation\u2014of treating fear not simply as something to overcome but as material to work with\u2014forms the basis of Abdieva\u2019s new exhibition at the St.\u00a0George Museum of Art, Fear Alchemy<\/i>. Explaining the idea behind the title, she says, \u201c[Alchemy] is an ancient science of transforming one object into another. The reason why alchemists started their quests was mainly to transmute lead-based material into gold.\u201d For Abdieva, that pursuit becomes a metaphor for transforming something seemingly negative into something valuable.<\/p>\n

\u201cI feel like the point for me is treating fear not as something negative,\u201d she says. \u201cIt\u2019s not something we should be afraid of. But taking fear as a material. A material for transmutation. I can take my fear and transmute it into love. I can take my fear and transmute it into curiosity. There are so many things you can transmute it into. So take that darkness and transmute it into something of light.\u201d<\/p>\n